Tuning Into Your 30s

In my 20s I was under the impression that by the time you turn 30, your life is pretty much over.

Not sure why I thought that, but it’s possible I just didn’t know of any cool, successful women in their 30s. Except for like Janet Jackson (ha) My mom was on child numbers 2 and 3 in her 30s so I couldn’t quite understand what that meant for me.

It wasn’t until I turned 30 did I start to look around and say “this isn’t so bad”. Turning 30 is a great thing. You’re still young (although I believe youth is a state of mind but i’ll save that for another post) but you’ve been through enough to somewhat know better.

You don’t waste your time on unhealthy relationships. You desire your home to be clean, a place where you want to be, filled with peace, light and inspiration. You don’t have time for nonsense and you’ve learned enough in your 20s to say you have some idea of what you want.

Somewhat…

Going on 34 this year, with my second child on the way, it’s been made abundantly clear that I’m still trying to figure this stuff out. At this point in life, I don’t believe I have the luxury of making decisions passively. I want to know who I am so I can run full force with her, embracing my value.

While at the salon one time, as my hairstylist blow dried my hair, she pushed my shoulders down in a motherly way of correcting my posture. Then she said something that intrigued me. “You girls in your early 30s and your posture. You just carry the world on your shoulders.” And in that moment, I felt I could be transparent enough to say “Being in your 30s is tough. I’m still working out who I am, all the while being someone’s wife and mother and chasing my dreams. I thought by now I would know. I’m like a for real, full bred adult at this point and sometimes I have no idea what I’m doing.” And she responded “Exactly. You don’t really KNOW now and won’t begin to start relaxing in who you are until your 40s.” 

Mind you this is one woman’s interpretation.

As we find ourselves getting older, I doubt that we’ll ever “arrive” but maybe we’ll settle into who we are and start to enjoy our lives instead being so involved with ourselves, our brokenness and hanging onto the past.

Where I’ve noticed the most growth in the last 3 years of my life is rooting myself in my convictions and telling people what it is that I want and not being afraid to stand by what comes out of my mouth. Not speaking out of turn and being irrational but speaking my truth and not doubting myself.

I arrived at this point by not reading a self-help book (Though Lord knows I have a plethora of them) I got there by reminding myself that I’m grown and it’s ok to say what I say, not needing anyone’s approval or validation. And that has been revolutionary. To not apologize or second guess your words or wait for someone else to say “good girl” is freeing. Because only you will guide yourself to where you want to go. So you might as well get acquainted with your inner compass and love her because she’s all you got and all you need.

Applicably:

1. Stop Looking for Perfection

Only you set that standard of who you are. And you will ALWAYS make mistakes. So instead of letting those mistakes chip away at your self image, just learn from them, leave them and move on. Even if you have to physically tell yourself “My mistakes don’t define who I am because what I do is not who I was created to be” or even posting up flash cards in eye sight saying “What I do does not determine who I am. Even in my mistakes, I’m still intelligent, beautiful, purposed and free” AND ALL THOSE THINGS ARE TRUE. They just are and noone can convince you different. Unless you let them.

2. Take Responsibility for Your Happiness

We depend on everything and everyone to make us happy which is why we’re always searching for input. Yes he’s acting a fool, yes your job sucks but those things shouldn’t stop you from saying “Today was crap but I’m going to listen to old Backstreet Boys CDs which makes me feel good!” just me? That’s fine because I don’t need your approval (see what I did there!) If it’s up to you to make you happy, then you will never let you down and your happiness will transform into joy which will come from within.

3. Know that You Will Never Figure This Out

I’m saying this to myself as well. We will never get this right. We will never reach a point where we can say “I’m fixed and whole and I have no more work to do and I can just be” We will always be learning, always maturing, always forgiving and always seeking new spiritual heights. It’s just the journey we’re on so don’t get frustrated that everytime you think you’ve slayed one dragon, here comes another one, only this time it’s breathing fire.

You Got This So Let Them Hear It! ❤